Round Table with Senator Tester

I got the opportunity to attend a round table discussion on issues facing women veteran.  I'd say it went pretty well.  As with any meeting of this nature an hour is really not enough time.  I feel that I got to make a couple really good points and that the Senator heard what I was saying.

First, I have met many female veterans who don't know that they are eligible for VA healthcare.  They think that because their injuries or mental health issues are non-combat related they can't seek help.  Yes, there are some eligibility requirements, but if you've served even a day on active duty, or met income standards you are eligible for care.  If you are hurt in a training accident or hurt behind the wire on deployment you still can seek VA care.  If you are not sure, call the local VA and ask.  You served your country, you earned these benefits.
 
I did learn something new:  If you are the victim of Military Sexual Trauma you can seek help through the VA or Vet Center, for free as long as you need, regardless of meeting any other eligibly requirements.  MST includes not only sexual assault and rape, also sexual harassment.  If you feel that you are struggling with issues related to MST call the VA or Vet Center today.


Second, I have met many females that feel that they don't deserve VA healthcare.  Somehow they are not a "real" veteran.  If you stepped up and served, whether behind the wire, outside the wire, or stateside you did your job and you deserve access to VA healthcare, so go get it.  As females we struggle to fit in in the military, we are often told that we are not good enough or shouldn't be there.  Well, we ARE good enough, we SHOULD be there, and we ARE kicking ass as soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines.  We earn our benefits just the same as any male veteran.  Don't ever hesitate to ask for what you deserve.

We also spent some time discussing female specific healthcare, and in Montana there is some issues with OBGYN.  But the issues are being addressed currently.  The system is evolving as fast as it can to welcome our new young female veterans.  So be patient it is getting better, and they are listening.  If you are a women veteran in Montana and you need help accessing any kind of care, gender specific or not, or you just have questions please call Jonna Brenton, Women Veteran Program Manger, (406) 447-7315.

America and the VA are both still coming to terms with the fact that women are a growing part of our military.  This brings its trials and tribulations.  Always remember that we served with pride and we deserve no less than any other veteran out there.  

The Billings Gazette coverage of our meeting

Make the decision

I decided recently that I need to work on my running.  Like everything else we do, weightlifting, swimming, skiing, etc, running is a skill.  It is something that can be practiced and improved.  This was a fairly big revelation to me.  I had always just told myself "oh, I'm just not a runner.."  But I've never really tried, practiced, or trained my running.  I decided now it is time to practice my running.  I have no intentions of running a marathon, but maybe a 5k.  And being a better, more confident runner will make huge impacts on my Crossfit, and hopefully give me a good jump start into this years backpacking season.

Last night I had big plans of getting up early, getting to the gym for some oly lifting and then going for a run... (I'm starting the Couch-to-5k that everyone raves about)  I woke up at 5:00am with a killer migraine and thought, great, my day is shot..  PJ got me some tylenol and I went back to bed after turning off my alarm.

A few hours later when I finally got up, I felt like I had been hit by a train, my body and neck ache, but the migraines gone (thumbs up)  That's the moment I had to make a decision. Resign myself to the pain and waste the day in front of Facebook, or follow through with my original plan.

I went for my first run of the year.  It was a relatively easy walk/run interval.  But it felt good to be out in the cool crisp air.  I thought a lot about footfall, stride, and my breathing, and I broke a good sweat.

And now I feel great.  Yeah, my back and neck still hurt, but I didn't give in.  Now I am off to do some light oly lifting and than a massage.

I made a decision.  Instead of giving in, feeling sorry for myself, and wasting my day.  I went for a run, and am going to have a great day.

Now, it's your turn to make a decision.

The end of the Iraq war, & what it means to me.

US War in Iraq Officially Ends - USA Today Article

I find myself a little dumb stuck thinking about the fact that the Iraq war, my war, is over.  Granted, I'm glad.  I think we should have been out of there years ago.  But on some level, I thought it would never end during my lifetime.  And now, it's done.  With no media blitz, just a quiet folding of the flag.

It's been 9 years, 4,474 American lives, and countless Iraqi civilians.  Not to forget those wounded, both physically and emotionally.  We've paid a huge price... and for what?  I don't really want to debate the politics of it.  I have my opinion, as sure as you have yours, and that's not what this post is about.

I was called to active duty in March 2003 (the very beginning of it all), arrived in Kuwait in May and then onto Iraq.  I spent a year of my life in that country.  And have thought of it every day since.  I have struggled to overcome the devastating affects on PTSD on my life and my family.  I have had surgery to try to fix the physical wounds.  Everyday I am reminded in some way of the time I spent in Baghdad.

As I sit at the keyboard, trying to make sense of what I am feeling today, I realize that most of all, I don't want to be forgotten.  I don't want my brothers and sisters to be lost.  We, as a nation that chose this path, must continue to care for those that have fought for us.

I don't want my war to be forgotten.

From my turret.

Pain in my... Shoulder

I have been having problems with my shoulder and wrist (worse than usual that is) for the past few months, so today I finally got in to see the doctor. I was really scared that he would either say I needed another surgery or that he would tell me nothing was wrong...

I can't decide if it is good news or bad news that I got...well, it's bad news, but at least I have answers. The doctor was awesome in showing my the xrays and very clearly explaining everything to me in a way no one has before.

First, there is a bone flake/chip in my wrist. The only way such a flake occurs is a hard impact (like an IED...) Nothing can be done to fix it, but it explains the wrist problems.. Good to know.

Second, the shoulder... Apparently when the other doctor operated a couple years ago he detached two fairly important ligaments. Now that it is done it can't really be fixed. And by doing that he created a very unstable joint. Apparently the technique he used isn't usually done on anyone under 40, because it usually doesn't work and only causes more problems in the long run. So basically the pain is from my shoulder moving around too much in the join creating a bunch of extra wear and tear. My best course of action is some focused strength work to get my shoulder girdle stronger to compensate for the missing ligaments. I can keep lifting/crossfitting (Good news!). But I will fight flair ups the rest of my life and maybe some day a shoulder replacement.

It's one of those things... I'm glad to have the explanation and understand (Knowledge is Power!) But I also hate the notion that this may be a life long cycle... I am going to try to focus on the positive: I survived that IED, and everything I have been through has only made me stronger and more driven in my life. I would not be where I am today if I had not been blown up. And I love my life and the people in it.

Update on the latest events

I've done two events in the last couple months.  Both lots of fun.  

In October I did the "Amazing Grace" Barbells for Boobs fundraiser.  It is a fundraiser for mammograms and breast cancer screening and treatment.  The workout was "Grace" 30 clean and jerks for time.  I went lighter than usually and only did 65# (95# is RX for women, I'm not even close to that yet...)  The last time I did this workout I did 75# in 7:46.  For this event I did 65# in 4:01.  Technically not a PR, but what the heck, I had fun.   This was the first Crossfit type competition that I've done.  It's intense, the crowd was sooo loud and the energy was amazing!

Then this past Saturday I competed in the Team Event at Alternative Athletics (my gym) annual competition called Pukie's Bash.  Our team was a group of misfits, but we had a grand time.  We went all out with team uniforms and just had fun (which is what it was really all about!)  The team workout was basically an obstacle course that we had to haul a bunch of weight through.  I managed to rug burn my shoulders, elbows, and thumb will my killer low crawl technique!

Our team name was What Would Jed Do?  Jed wasn't on our team, but he is a total badass, so we idolize him.

Our Team: Sara, Tyler, Jed, Nate, and me.

You have to work for it

Every so often I get a comment on how it is "not fair" that I am so skinny, I won't totally disagree, I got lucky on some good genes.  But over the last year I have been working hard to be healthy too.  I learned that skinny doesn't equal healthy.  And skinny, in your eyes, does not mean that I like my body or that I have much positive self-esteem.  


I started CrossFit about a year ago.  For the last nine months I have been "competing" in my gyms "Get Fit Challenge" which is committing to a nutritional plan of choice and working out.  I do my best to eat as paleo as I can (usually about 80% paleo, most of the 20% being sweets and beer...)  I do my best to be at the gym 3-4 workouts per week.  Well, I just took my nine month "after" photos today, and I can say my hard work is paying off.  I have lost 12 lbs since January and dropped a full pants size, plus a little.  I finally like my body, and for the first time ever I feel sexy in a bikini.  On top of the aesthetic gains I have been able to stay off of all my anti-depressents and anxiety medications.  I can say that I have ever had this much self-confidence.  


But it has been a LOT of work!  And work that I have come to love and look forward to everyday.  So the next time someone makes a judging comment about how it's "not fair" that I am skinny, I will point out that I work hard to be healthy.  I have decided to commit the time to improve my life.  And they can have it too, there is no secret potion.  It is a commitment to eating real food and working your body hard.

Fight Gone Bad 6

Every year thousands of athletes worldwide come together to help raise money for several worthy charities during the CrossFit Fight Gone Bad event.  Fight Gone Bad is a highly demanding 17-minute workout combining a variety of weight lifts and rowing.  This years charity recipients were Camp Patriot, Special Operation Warriors Foundation, and CrossFit Kids.  Camp Patriot is located in Libby MT and provides access to outdoor adventures for disabled veterans from all over the United States.  Special Operations Warriors Foundation helps to provide a college education to all the kids whose fathers are killed while serving in Special Operations units.  Alternative Athletics gym in Billings MT worked together to raise over $5,000.  International the event raised over $2.2 million.

            
This year I had the honor of getting to compete in Fight Gone Bad for myself.  I was wounded in Iraq in 2004. Some years after I was wounded I was given the opportunity to go on an all expenses paid hunting trip in Dillon MT from the Wounded Warriors Project.  It was such an amazing experience to be so openly welcomed and supported by the Dillon community.  It was also the first time in a long time that I was able to hang out with my brother, go hunting as we had as kids, and just remember a part of myself that I had lost in the trauma of war.  I also just came home from an outdoor combat veterans retreat in Colorado that was again amazing and eye opening.  I am so excited and proud to have the opportunity to raise funds for Camp Patriot this year.  Outdoors therapy and the support to overcome physical and mental disabilities are so vital to a wounded warriors recovery.    


I wrote that for the American Legion Post 117 Newsletter.  Pretty well sums things up.  FGB was a great experience.  It was nice to be on the giving end of these charities instead of the receiving end.  But to also understand how crucial the work they do is.  I am disappointed with how my actual FGB workout went, but I am fighting with some pulled stomach muscles and had to slow it down more than I wanted too.  I kind of felt like I let someone, something, and myself down with that.  But it is what it is, and there is always next year to raise more money and do more reps.  I have to remember that 10 months ago I wouldn't have even been able to finish this workout at all.  So I am proud of that.


Even made the news that night

Push Press

More Push Press

Wall Ball

Next is an Oly meet in October and Pukies Bash (Crossfit competition) in November.