The PTSD still lurks

Post Traumatic Stress is a fluid part of my life.  I am at a place where some days I can forget about it for a time, and other days it sneaks up on me.  A couple of days ago was the horrific bombing in Boston at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  I watch the news for hours.  I looked through tons of photos on the internet, taking in the aftermath.  I even chatted for a while with a law enforcement friend about the device used, and what that likely says about the perpetrator.  Use to be that kind of media, violence, and graphic footage would put me in a tail spin and ultimately trigger a panic attack.  This time it didn't.   I marveled at the human spirit of those that ran into the chaos to provide care, and I shuttered at the devastation of life and limb and blood in the streets. 

But here, 2 days later, I feel the PTSD lurking, even peeking over my shoulder today.  I spent too much time looking at the news on Monday, and today the subject still hasn't gone away.  I'm edgy, overwhelmed, and tired.  I've been in the blast radius before.  And my heart aches for every person that was in that blast radius on Monday.  I feel for their families, knowing the road that lies ahead of them.  I want to reach out to everyone of them.  Hug them and tell them it will be okay.

The victims and families of Monday's attack have a long journey ahead. With both physical and emotional wounds deeper than they may even realize yet.  I want to say it's all ok and it all goes away.  But that's a lie in a way.  It doesn't go away.  It gets easy, more manageable, and not so in-your-face.  But I find that to this day, 9 years after I was caught in the blast radius, that the PTSD still lurks ever so often peeking over my shoulder to remind me of its presence.  And I still have hope that someday it will truly be gone.