It is my therapy

On a recent post a friend (who also has an amazing story of over coming so much) asked me:
"Having an athletic endeavor has been very therapeutic for me, how about you?"  


I decided this question deserved it's own post.  My friend is a triathlete and will be competing in her first full Ironman in a few days (Kick ass girl!).  So we are in very different sports, both style and level, and mentality.  But we both have found so much in our chosen endeavor.


CrossFit is my therapy.  It's sooo cliché but CrossFit has changed my life.  Two big things that have slowed me down over that last several years are dealing with chronic pain all through my left arm from the IED I was in.  And some pretty major issues with anxiety.  I tend to avoid new people and new places, so joining a new gym was frightening.  It took me several months and the support of a friend to help get me to finally go in.  In November 2010 I finally met Katie (one of the owners of Alternative Athletics) and did my "Newbie Shuffle."  It is a 10 minute workout, 10 minutes... and I could not finish the workout.  Katie stopped me about minute 6 for fear that I would hurt my shoulder or pass out...  It was ugly, and embarrassing for me.  I thought about never going back, but a part of me hates how I give up and give into the fear of not being perfect.  


So, I went back, again and again.  Every day I had to overcome my anxiety telling me to run away and go home where it was safe.  Many days in the beginning I drove past the gym and had to circle the block, taking long slow breathes and talk myself into parking and walking in.  And every day that I overcame that, the next day got a little bit easier.  It's been about 10 months and now I am bummed on the days that I can't make it too the gym.  My coaches have worked with me to slowly rebuild the strength in my shoulder and helped me to learn to trust and push my body.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I never thought I could finish a workout like that.  But I did, I over came the physical pain and overcame my desire to quit.  I am afraid to fail, but I also expect myself to be perfect.  Every day at CrossFit I learn that I am not perfect, but I am leaps and bounds ahead of the people who haven't gotten off the couch yet.  


Alternative Athletics isn't just a gym either, we are a family.  I have made so many new friends, people that help me continue to overcome my anxiety and push me to my full potential. They have been there for me through some bad times and helped me celebrate the good.  I am doing social things that surprise even me.  Travel that would have been to overwhelming and scary a year ago, psshh! I'm in now.  And I owe so much of it to the amazing community at Alternative Athletics.  


Not only is there all the emotional, anxiety relief, and community support that my gym brings.  but over all health.  A big thing in our gym is eating to fuel your body best.  I was introduced to the Paleo nutritional plan.  The focus is on eating lots of lean proteins, veggies, healthy fats, some fruits and nuts and seeds.  No grain, legumes, or sugar.  I've almost always been on the skinnier side, but always soft.  I've never liked my body.  Once I went paleo that all changed.  I have leaned out more than I thought I could (dropped 14 pounds even) Lost inches off my thighs and tummy and am back down a pant size.  All things I thought were not possible.  I really do love my body now.  I actually feel sexy.  I even bought a couple of string bikini's for a trip to Chico Hot Springs and for the first time ever, I felt like one of the best looking girls there.  On top of all of that, paleo (especially getting rid of grain) has helped reduce how much my joints ache, has reduced the chronic pain problems with my shoulder, and has helped my gut to work a whole lot better (used to have some digestion upset stomach problems).  I use to have problems with my blood sugar crashing and HAD to eat ever hour or two.  No more!!  I know it's the diet because when I "cheat" or slack and start eating to much grain the pain and gut problems come back.  If I eat a very grain based meal a couple hours later my blood sugar crashes and I feel tired and sick like I used too.  And in all honesty, I like to eat, and I like to eat even more now with a paleo diet.


So yes, having an athletic endeavor has been very therapeutic for me!  It has given me so much in my day-to-day life.  And on those bad days I can just go and get lost in the suck of my workout.  And when I am done, everything seems to be a little bit better.

Painful

Today was a purely mental game in the gym, painful...  I did two workouts yesterday, and was sore today, I felt that I had no go-juice in the muscles. But I want my 5 workouts a week, so I went into the gym.  It's pushing through the tired sore days that makes me stronger.  

The workout shouldn't have been that tough, a combo of snatches and overhead squats.  But ever rep hurt, my technique was crap, my head wasn't wrapping around it, by the third round (of ten) I just wanted to quit... I was hating the workout and hating myself for sucking so bad at it.  It took me twice as long as it should have.  ...But I finished... 

Part of what I have come to love about crossfit (and oly lifting) is the suck.  Those days that ever fiber of my body hurts, my brain hurts, even some days my pride hurts.. But I suck it up and I keep going back.  And after I suffered through that workout, nothing else today can seem that bad.  Any day that I finish a workout is a good day.

Back from vacation

Two weeks of traveling and eating not so great... pay back from that is a b**ch!  I made it to the gym 3 times this week.  Yesterday's oly lifting was a train wreck...  Oh well, it was a great vacation with PJ, got to meet ALL of his family. 12 days on the road, 2700 miles and we didn't kill each other :)

Don't think I have any sort of competitions til September or October at this point.  Just time to focus on making some progress.  Which I am looking forward too.