Videos!

So here is the videos from Big Sky State Games

Snatch:

Clean and Jerk:

I'm pretty happy with my technique.  I plan on spending some time now focusing on some strength work.

Alternative Athletics Team

Big Sky State Games

Yesterday I oly lifted in the Big Sky State Games.  There was one other girl in my weight class (58kg class).  And I won gold!  I totally had no expectations going into this meet, I am still learning and getting stronger.  So that was super cool to get the gold legit style!

My snatches were 38kg, 42kg, and I missed my 46kg attempt.  (83.6#, 92.4#, and missed 101.2#)
My Clean and jerks were 47kg, 50kg, and 53kg.  (103.4# 110# 116.6#)
That was a new personal best in both lifts.

All in all a good day, I'm surprised and very happy with the outcome.  Tentatively there will be another oly meet in October.  I plan on focusing on strength training for a while now.  I feel pretty good with my technique, I just want to bigger lifts now.

There is some photos and video to come.

Competition

Turns out there are 2 other girls lifting in my weight class... That's a little added pressure.  Either way, I will give it my best, set some new PRs (personal records) for myself, and I'm happy.  If I manage to beat either of them it'll just be icing on the cake!

Olympic Lifting

Saturday is the Montana Big Sky State games, athletes from all over the state in a ton of different sports get together and compete.  This year, lucky for me, is the first year they will be having olympic lifting.  So Saturday will be my second meet.  I don't really expect there to be anyone else in my weight bracket, so I'm mostly competing again myself.  But that's ok, I've only been doing this a few months.

I thought I'd take a minute to educate and clarify about olympic lifting because I keep getting asked what events I'll be doing.  Which is ok, olympic lifting isn't hugely popular.  When most people think of competitive lifting, they are thinking of power lifting: bench press, squats, and dead lift. Power lifting vs. Olympic lifting are two very different things.  Power lifting is more about sheer brute strength.  Olympic lifting involves a huge amount of technique to make a successful lift.  In power lifting you can compete in 2 or 3 events (the lifts I mentioned before).  Olympic lifting is always both a snatch, and a clean and jerk.  You always do both lifts, you have three attempts at each lift.  Your best lift from each is added together for your final score.  Your lifts also have to meet some technical requirements, so you have three judges watching you.  I won't get into the details.

Here's a snatch:

Here's a clean and jerk:

(What's amazing is that girl is smaller than me and lifting nearly double what I lift right now.... Her snatch was about 187lbs in that clip, and the clean and jerk was 220lbs... can you say beast?)

Anyways... So I've been getting ready for the state games.  I'm a little nervous, my snatch has been kind of a train wreck the last couple weeks.  I've been missing weights that I've hit before.  I'm hoping the adrenaline of being in front of the crowd snaps me out of it.  Oly lifting can be as much mental as physical, it is so easy to psych yourself out and think too much causing you to miss a lift.

My plan is to open at 38kg on the snatch (about 85#).  My goal is to hit 46kg (100#) but we'll see how the day goes.  I'm comfortable with my clean and jerk.  I'm going to open at 48kg (105#) maybe shoot for 55kg or 57kg (120# or 125#).

More back story

I guess that there is still some more back story... After I got home from Iraq I began to struggle with some major depression issues.  For about two years (maybe more) I didn't leave my house, I didn't eat or shower or sleep.  I was never really suicidal, but there were may days I wished for a major accident to end it for me.  I flunked out of college.  I struggle with pain in my shoulder, my doctors told me that if it hurts don't do it.  So I stopped living life, I grew up doing sports, but I was afraid to do anything that would cause me physical pain, and my anxiety kept me trapped in the house.  After about 5 years I hit a point where I had to have shoulder surgery, the nature of the joint separation I had makes it only get worse with time.  In October 2009 I quit my job, had shoulder surgery, and shortly after moved to a new town to start college again at a new university. 

After my shoulder surgery I was still cautious about using my body, afraid to cause myself any more pain.  I started dating an amazing man, Pryor, who is active and was on his own journey to be stronger, leaner, and all around healthier.  I wanted to keep up with him.  I was beginning to see how much of life I was avoiding and how sick and out of shape I was.  I tried a variety of things: going back to Aikido, swimming laps, going to the gym on campus, changing my diet.  None of it was quite doing what I wanted, I was bored at the gym and needed something different.  After some searching and listening to a friend of mine talk about CrossFit, I thought what the hell, I'll try that. 

It actually took a couple of months to conquer my anxiety of going to a new place, putting myself out there, and joining a new gym.  I finally got the courage to go to Alternative Athletics.  It's a CrossFit gym.  CrossFit focuses on functional fitness, instead of isolating muscles and hours of cardio, we use our whole body and do shorter high intensity workouts.  It is definitely intense.  We also focus on community, we are not just a gym, but a family (actually CrossFit gets accused of being "cult" like, we're so tight)  At Alternative Athletics they do a free workout to see what it's like.  The Newbie Shuffle is a 10 minute workout of rowing, box jumps, and wall balls.  I could not finish a 10 minute workout.... Katie stopped me about minute 6 because I felt like I was going to blackout...  It was awful and embarrassing.  I was the skinny fat kid, I look fine from the outside, but I was in awful dangerous bad shape, I ate terribly and was quite sedentary. 

At first I was embarrassed and thought of never going back to that gym.  But I realized that I couldn't do that, I had to change.  I had to face the fin and learn to live again.  I've now been crossfitting for about 8 months.  I love it, I hate any day that I don't get to the gym.  I love feeling stronger, every workout is a challenge.  I've met so many great people.  It has helped give me confidence in all aspects of my life.  I am coping better with my anxiety and have been able to get off all of my prescription medications (except a sleep aid, but I cut way down on the dose of that).  I also started Olympic lifting.  It's super technical, which my analytical brain loves.  I've only began to get strong and healthy again, but I want more.

Back story

Me getting geared up for a mission - 2004

First my goal is to talk about my life as veteran and as a (kind of) athlete.  I do tend to ramble and get off subject, or periodically jump on my soap box about something, but this is my life, my story, and my passions.

So I mentioned in the first post that I had PTSD, guess a lot of my story starts there.  In March 2003 I was deployed in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom.  I was stationed in Baghdad, Iraq from May 2003 until May 2004.  I know I didn't have the hardest tour in the world, but it definitely was not an easy year.  I turned 19 years old sitting in Kuwait, waiting for orders to go to Iraq as a part of the 143d Military Police Detachment.  We were a Law and Order unit, trained specifically for state side garrison work.  I enlisted July 2001, as in before the 9/11 terrorist attacks.  I joined the Montana National Guard to serve my country, but mostly to support my state.  I planned on years of helping with summer forrest fires and spring floods.  Never did I imagine my ass would land in combat...

I ended up working the year as a M249 humvee gunner.  Basically my job was to be the eyes and ears of the convoy.  Our detachment ran in two and three truck convoys, our main mission was to help re-build the Baghdad police department.  We were outside of the wire nearly everyday, running around town to meetings and police stations.  Our detachment had many close calls, and had a few of our own injured.  I had several friends critically wounded throughout the year, every time it tore my apart.  Our battalion had suffered one combat related death, SPC Michelle Witmer.  I didn't know her, but I knew her two sisters who were also serving in Iraq at the same time.  Michelle was the same age and rank as me, from a small town like me, and working as a gunner the night she was killed.  Her death shook my to my core.  I will never forget the day we learned about it, or her memorial service, or her family.  

During the last few weeks of our tour my squad finally ran out of luck and was hit an IED.  We were coming back from the Baghdad International Airport to our camp along the famous IED Alley, Route Irish when it happened.  I don't remember a hole lot.  But I remember looking at my hands to see if they were still there, I remember not wanting to look down into the truck below me, afraid of what might have happened.  But we got lucky, no major injuries (which I attribute to the up armored trucks we had just got)  We had some truck damage and flat tires.  The gunner in the second truck, Jensen, sustained some cuts from shrapnel.  As we got out of that situation, I knew something was wrong with me, but wasn't sure what.  As the adrenaline wore off my shoulder started to hurt, bad.  My forearm and thumb would not stop spasming.  After a few days of obnoxious muscle spasms my hand just went numb.  I stayed and finished the last few weeks of our tour.  It wasn't until I was home (and still with a lot of pain in my arm and no feeling in my hand) that I learned I had separated my shoulder and crushed the nerves in my shoulder, elbow and wrist.  Years later I also learned that I must have suffered a concussion that day too, as I struggle with cognitive issues and chronic migraines from a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).  I also suffer from PTSD as a result of many situations I faced that year.  I have struggled with severe depression and anxiety, as well as a host of other problems.  As a result of that day I was awarded the Purple Heart and Combat Action Badge.

Well, that's enough for now... it's kind of the ground work for the rest of my story.

Face the Fin

First thing I have to do is give credit to where I stole my blog name from.  CrossFit Lisbeth is a great site.  She recently did a blog post on facing the f***ing fin in the water. (Go read it at that link I just gave you!)  This is how I have been trying to face the world lately.  

"Anyhow, my point is: Face the f***ing fin. (I love alliteration.) For too long, you have sat in the boat, worrying and waiting . . . and wondering. Wondering what life would be like if you just said, “F** it. Let’s do this.” If you just decided to throw down and go for it. If you just opened your heart and soul and body and just laid everything on the line, whether it’s in CrossFit, in your job, in your family, in your personal relationships. What could happen?"

Wow...  I'll tell you more later, but the quick story is I suffer from anxiety related to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  It has left me afraid of the world.  But I'm realizing that if I face the fin and dive in, some of the most amazing things happen.  So despite my fears, here I go.